Who Am I?

 This entry is a more personal reflection than some, but I am writing because I imagine many might have similar thoughts and feelings. Many times over my life I have looked back on times, choices, decisions, opportunities, and I have wondered, did I make the right choice there? Did I choose the right college? Did I make the right choice to move back to Nashville after grad school? Was it the right choice to study what I studied? 

In my brain these questions get down to almost laughable levels, asking questions about silly things like what I eat or drink or where I shop and pondering how those things are affecting the wider universe and my own life. I do think making good choices like these is important. Each one builds on another and even if the effect isn't measurable (and hopefully, at least in my wasitline it is...) I know that I have done my best.

But the issue for me has always been did I do things right? Did I do enough? Am I doing a good enough job?

And the outcome of those choices seems to have always been trying to live up to some image of who I was going to be when I was 10 or 13 or 17 or 25 or 44 (I'm 45 now, at least for a couple months). 

Some of you have long ago seen the danger of the road I have been on, this constant comparison to a former vision of who I would be. I don't know if anyone ever lives up to that vision. But not living up to that vision was causing a bit of strife within me.

And then--I got it. Of course I made the right choices. Of course I made mistakes, but all of those choices, all those things that I did in good or maybe sometimes questionable faith, all the big and small decisions over the course of a life made me, right now. I am who I am because of those things. And so, maybe they weren't perfect, surely sometimes my choices were not the best, but to become Chris Warren of 2020, they were right.

I am just who I am supposed to be. I cannot compare myself to the version I dreamed up years ago. Besides, who wants to be a movie, rock, opera star who cures cancer and performs brain surgery while righting the wrongs of the legal system and maintaining a career in politics? (Not all those things were dreamed up at the same time...)

We are who we are supposed to be, however we stack up to our former plans. And we can only take ourselves where we are right now and work to become better. 

So that's what I choose to do. I accept myself where I am. I am proud of myself where I am. I have a multitude of reasons to be proud and happy and content right where I am. Many of you reading are some of those reasons. And I can take this person who's pretty OK right now and just keep doing my best going forward.

From where I stand today, that looks pretty good. And I bet it's the same for you if you'll stand where I'm standing...

Love of What?

This weekend I watched Hamilton. While telling the story of some of the founders of the United States, it brings up questions, often in short and unexplored snippets of dialog about the perpetuation of slavery in the United States, the place of Immigrants, and other inequalities that are glaring to modern people and might have been more hidden to people of the time. Last night I read for the first time in its entirety Frederick Douglass's speech "What to the American Slave is the Fourth of July?" Read it here You will not be disappointed by this speech. What an orator! What a writer! In fact, if you only have time for one, read his speech instead of this blog. (Spoiler alert: This blog is much shorter).

As I processed these two pieces of art in the midst of the current world situation, I began with the context I am most familiar with, the church.

One of the things that church leaders are fond of saying, a rightly so, is that the church is not a building; it is not an institution. The church is the people who make up that church. Our love for the church is for the people of the church. I may admire and take pride in the history of my denomination or my individual church. I may be awed by the beauty in the building where we meet and the wonderful display of the stories of the bible in our stained glass windows. Sometimes we may even say we love those things. But what I really love is the people that make up the church.

The church is made up partially by its members. The members of the church are the heart and life of the church. They have made a commitment to one another to care for one another, to support one another, to rescue one another from difficult circumstances. They are bound to one another in a fellowship that is heart-wrenching when it is broken. I say this from personal experience, and every pastor I know has shared in that experience. When those who are part of the church leave, it is an enormous grieving process for the pastors and leadership of that church, and just like any grieving process, some handle this with sadness, some withdraw, some become angry. There is always pain.

The membership is not all that makes up the church. There are lots of people who are part of the church who never become members. Maybe they are part of a feeding program. Maybe they make a one time financial contribution. Maybe they clean the church or keep the grounds. Maybe they come to Sunday School once every now and then and stir things up. These and many more are part of the church, too. And they, as part of the church, are to be loved fully.

That is true love for the church, love for all its people, whether they are members or first time visitors or come as part of a blessing of the animals service or mow the grass. We are called to have love for the entire community, those at the core and those who have been overlooked.

That led me to think about what it means to be a patriot. What does it mean to have love of country? Is it a love of the land where we live? I imagine we love this land, although I cannot overlook, even though I cannot fully discuss, the land where we live in the United States is land taken from a people who already lived here.

Land is wonderful. It is a gift from God to be cared for, but is it to be loved?

Do we love the institutions of the country? Its laws, its separation of powers, its guarantees of rights? Is that what it means to love country?

Surely these are lofty ideals, some of which we have lived up to and others of which we continue to strive toward. But is it laws or ideals or tradition that we should love? If those things become the objects of our love, is that not a form of idolatry?

When we say we love our country, does that not mean that we love the people of our country? I believe this is the greatest expression of love for our country, because I believe besides God our greatest love should be to others, not to institutions or land or doctrine.

And just like the church, I believe that love is to be extended to all the people who make up the country, not just its rich white land-owners, not just its citizens, not just the people who are on TV or who we see on a daily basis. We are to love all the people who make up this country, the refugee, the immigrant, the people from the other side of the political fence, the farm worker, the farm owner, the person of every religion and those of no religion, the LGBTQ+, everyone who lives and makes up part of this country. In my mind that is true patriotism--loving the people that make up the country, not ideals or plot of ground, but people.

That's why it is so easy to advocate for change for the oppressed. That's why it is so easy to say that we should have health care for all people here in the US. That's why it's easy to say that Black Lives Matter. No one is suggesting other lives don't matter, but when persons of color are being treated differently than those like me, we have to stand up and say that those lives are loved, precious, and must be valued as highly as whomever you want to value most highly. That's why it's easy to say we need better protections for farm workers, whether they are here legally or not, because without them our country doesn't have food. And these are human beings. That's why it's easy to advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, because these are human beings who live and love and are part of our country just like anyone else, and they deserve the rights we all have.

It's easy to do these things when love of country means love of people instead of love of something else.

That's my view today. 

It's Us vs. Them, or the Rhetoric of "Both Sides"

I have been troubled lately by the division in our nation. Probably many of you have also been troubled. It starts at our very highest levels and seeps down to every part of society. Our workplaces, churches, families, all are affected by this division.

I have noticed that there is often a phrase used when a controversial subject comes up. (Now, it seems practically any subject if controversial, including a medical pandemic). That phrase has something to do with "both sides."

We might hear, "There are good people on both sides..." or "If people on both sides could just come together..." or maybe "Surely people on both sides can agree to..."

Are we that simple a species that on whatever subject there are only two sides?

So, in thinking about this I realized something that many of you already knew. The idea of "two sides" is an illusion created to control us. Each "side" in politics makes progress by boiling down a debate to the "right" or "wrong" side. You are either on the right side or the wrong side. There is no middle ground.

Add to that the idea that we must vehemently hate those who are wrong because our very humanity is at stake. They must be defeated, humiliated, destroyed, not because this is fun or makes us feel good, but because it is the only way to ensure that our society will be what it is meant to be.

As complicated as the issues are that we are dealing with, are there really only two positions to take? Aren't there many, many more? What could we gain by ending the condemnation of others because they are on the "other side" and just realizing that there are so many different sides that we may never come to consensus, but maybe that's OK.

I am not appealing to simple moral relativism, however. There are rights and wrongs in the topics of the day including national health (life is more important than money/the economy/inconvenience), and racism (spoiler alert: racism is wrong). But even these issues cannot be boiled down to only two possible positions.

We need to recognize the beautiful diversity of experience, ethnicity, religion, gender, and other traits in order to be who we are designed to be by God. All people should be able to share in that type of community, not only "us" or "them."

It is far easier to make society two opposing poles, one good, the other bad, depending upon where you are located, but the reality is much richer, and I think much more beautiful. We will move forward together when we can stop being manipulated by political machines and start listening to one another cross all those lines that are used to divide us. It's not as simple as "us vs. them," but as long as we allow those with the biggest megaphones to convince us that is the case, we will continue to suffer.

Maybe that's the true revolution--a multitude of voices against two boiled down choices.

The Cost of Truth Telling

Many will know of a book written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a theologian during the Second World War in Germany, entitled The Cost of Discipleship. In it, Bonhoeffer argues that being a true disciple of Christ costs something. Claiming the name Christian without allowing the teachings of scripture to change us or make us uncomfortable is something Bonhoeffer refers to as "Cheap Grace."

There is a cost to truth-telling, too. I am sorry to say that sometimes when you speak up for truth, others will be threatened. Sometimes they will react crudely, unkindly, or even violently, and it may be impossible to actually get to the source of their anger. I imagine sometimes people who have these feelings do not know the source of their own anger. But whatever you have said has challenged their world-view in ways that make them so uncomfortable, they must blame you. I have recently experienced this to and past the point of bullying.

Don't let these violent voices silence you. Continue to learn, continue to have your eyes and ears open to new truths, truths that others can offer to you from their own experience, but when you speak truth that makes others uncomfortable, don't let the dismissive reactions of others cause you to be quiet. The status quo is strong, because disrupting it makes so many people so afraid of change and of loss that they will do all they can to silence, to correct, to shout down, to shame, to hurt you.

I have noticed that there seems to be a lack of trust in experts on any subject. The way our nation has reacted to the Coronavirus is one example. If an "expert" is saying something we don't want to hear, we are likely to find another person, expert or not, who is saying what we like better, and then we trust them.

This happens in all professions. I can speak from experience about how it happens in Theology. I hold a master's degree from a prestigious institution in Divinity. But if I say something from my understanding of scripture that makes someone else uncomfortable, some will find a way to dismiss it. There are several code phrases for this. One is "don't be so political." All human interactions are political. It's only too political when the politics are different from someone else's.

Another code phrase is "just preach what's in the Bible." I have dedicated my life and invested lots of my own money into studying the Bible, trying to understand the culture from which it sprang, and then hoping to help others understand what it meant to its first hearers and what it means to us today. And I assure you, when I preach, I am offering the message given to me to the best of my ability to discern from the Spirit for the people of this world.

Change does not come about without discomfort. We all need to hear the words of scripture anew given the world we live in--one that is different from ever before and one that is extremely different from the worldview of the crafters (and editors) of scripture.

When our words make others uncomfortable and cause them to lash out, it may be more about what they fear than what we said.

At least, that's the view today...

Pandemic Faith Leaders

There is a particular danger for faith leaders during this time, and though many may already be aware of this, in some ways it has flown under the radar. Faith Leaders are not front-line workers in the way that health professionals are. It is not necessary for most of us to put ourselves at risk in the way a health professional does. We are sort-of considered essential workers and sort-of not. We don't necessarily have to interact in person with people every day, and in that sense we are not in the same type of jeopardy of contracting the virus as someone who works as a grocery store.

I say this up front, because I want to be clear that I am not comparing our risks, or setting Faith leaders up to be the type of heroes that work at hospitals, care facilities, or who interact with an unknown public every day at stores and other necessary businesses. I do consider those people heroes, because they are at serious risk of becoming sick every day.

But there is something faith leaders are experiencing, and for me it is more than any other time in my ministry. It is worry about so many things. I don't even know what to consider excessive worry, because these are things we have seldom if ever had to worry about. Here are just a few:

How are the members of my congregation doing? Do they want to hear more from me, or are they tired of me calling? Are the leaders of my congregation following up on the people they are supposed to be shepherding? If not, is someone angry because they haven't heard enough from the church?

How in the world do I continue to do ministry when I have no training in video production? And who is it OK to ask for help, since I am still receiving a salary and the congregation is paying me to keep working? Do the people in the congregation know how much I am working during this time, or do they think this is just a long, paid vacation?

When should I consider encouraging the church leadership to re-open? What if I suggest we re-open and someone comes with the virus and gets members of the church sick? Who will come if we open? Will it be the people most at risk, who also often are the most faithful attenders of the services? If I say it's safe to re-open, and they trust me about that, what if one of them gets this virus? What if ten of them get this virus?

What will the church be like after this is over? What type of permanent changes will there be in the church? Will we continue to worship together and online? Can I sustain that type of work schedule?

Did people like that last message? We can't do everything that we normally do together, are there people who are angry about that? If we were together and there was a question, maybe I could answer an issue before someone gets upset, but what if they take offense to something said in the service at home and I never know? How can I respond to that?

This is only a small sample of the things that go through my mind daily and quite literally keep me awake at night.

And then, maybe the most important part of all this is that many faith leaders like to be around people. We are unique because with all the other leadership that people have during this time, we are the ones who are encouraged to love our communities. And we do, passionately. We love the individuals and we love the community, and the thought of doing something that might harm the community in a health related way, or in any other way is painful to us. Other professionals care about the community, no doubt, but the type of love faith leaders have for their communities is different. That love makes all of these things much, much more profound.

This is only one faith leader's point of view, but I imagine many feel the same. I don't intend for this to be a pity party, I just wanted to be transparent about my own feelings during this time. Maybe that will help some others cope. That is my prayer.

May God bless you.

The Blues

Yesterday I saw a meme shared by my mother-in-law (thanks, Judy) with a four panel view of what quarantine is like. It featured the Mona Lisa. The first panel shows the classic Mona Lisa as painted by DaVinci. The second shows Mona Lisa in a mask taking a selfie. The third shows Mona Lisa with disheveled hair and frumpled clothes. The fourth shows a considerably larger Mona Lisa looking angry and defiant, with a stack of toilet paper behind her.

I wonder how many of us were at least a little excited when we were forced to stay at home. I wasn't sure how we would do without having restaurants as an option, but I was glad I would get some time to spend with the family. It has been hard continuing to work from home, but we have had a lot of time together.

I think at first the idea was just novel, but as time has worn on, people have done all their puzzles and baked until they couldn't bake anymore, and the safe time to go back to "normal" is still undefined. For many of us, especially people who love to be around people, this has caused a pretty substantial case of the blues.

This is just a guess, of course, but I know I have been missing the people I spend time with more and more. I miss being able to be in worship with my friends. I miss being able to talk face to face. I miss so many things that I certainly took for granted before.

My message to you today is, if you are feeling a little blue, you are not alone. Many of us are feeling the same way. Whatever our feelings, they are a natural part of what it means to be human. If you are lonely, reach out to a friend. If you are bored, take time to read that book you have been meaning to read, or even binge watch that show you have been meaning to watch. (If you've run out of shows to binge watch, please go for the book!)

Whatever you do, try to remember your connections to others. Try to remember the shared humanity of all citizens of the world. We are all in this together. We are all unsure how to get through this in the best way.

For me, remembering that I am a part of a loving family, a loving community, and that we are all together in this thing helps me to forge ahead. Sometimes I am still a little blue, and that's OK.

That's the view today,
Chris

Don't Lose Heart

Humans are in a mess. And it's a mess of our own making. It may be that pandemics like the one we are experiencing now are unavoidable, but the reason they are unavoidable is that we are continually claiming new lands, bringing ourselves into contact with wild animals that have remained undisturbed, or because we are putting domesticated animals together in ways that allow them to share viruses and this allows those viruses to infect humans. It is because we take and take from the earth that we unleash these novel viruses. There's really not much that most of us can do about that.

Then there's the way that some people are treating this pandemic. Most of you reading will know by now that the United States now has by far the highest number of cases of Covid-19 in the world. (As you might know, Covid-19 stands for COrona VIrus Disease, 2019). Yet with all these cases, so many people are disregarding the safety guidelines given by doctors and are congregating, breaking social distancing guidelines, and doing all kinds of non-essential activities. This puts all of us at higher risk, even those trying to follow the guidelines, because it keeps the rate of infection going up.

And the  there's the other part of this pandemic, the economic strain this is putting on so many of us as our investments, if we have any, lose value, or as people lose employment. So many people are living on the edge of their means already, that any bump in the road, or catastrophic chasm in the road, like this pandemic, can easily overwhelm people's finances and send them into a tailspin. Add to that the number of companies that rely on people to make those payments every month, and we see why the Federal Government is stepping in and may need to step in with much bigger payments to help its people out.

All that news is pretty bleak. If you are like me, it might cause you to get pretty down sometimes. For me, it is hard to be separated from people for such a long time, and I find myself feeling drained. I think interactions with people fill me with energy, and missing people makes me feel lethargic and just down. Maybe you are like that, too. Or maybe you feel like your purpose is missing. After all, many of us find our purpose in our work. Not being able to work, or not being able to work in the way we are accustomed to working is confusing for our systems and we might feel a sense of loss of purpose.

But don't lose heart. We will come through this. For people of faith, we have examples from our scriptures of times when the people were not only down, they were thought to be lost. And yet, from each example, the people reemerged. It may not have been how they planned or hoped, but they became a new people, re-formed through their times of tragedy.

Even for those who have no faith, there are plenty of examples in our own lives of when things looked bad and we persevered. I don;t know all of your stories, but I'll wager if you look back just a few years you can find a struggle that led to where you are right now. It might have been a surprise how it worked out, but here you are. And humanity will continue to persevere.

For Christians, the ultimate story is the one of Jesus' death. In that moment, as far as the disciples knew, everything was over. Their work was done. It had failed. And yet, Jesus came out of the tomb overcoming death itself. There is great hope in that story.

None of us know how life will be in the future, when we finally come out of this time of pandemic. But history tells us that we will come out of it. And when we do, we will hopefully be better prepared to face such a challenge in the future.

So, don't lose heart. Don't judge yourself if you are down every now and then, but remember that though the times we are living in are different than anything we have ever faced, we will get through them together. The world will likely be changed. We will be changed. Some of the people we love may no longer be with us. Those are all reasons to mourn. But the light will shine and the dawn will come and we will be renewed. Trust in that hope, so that even as you begin to despair, you can look forward to a glorious new day.

Don't lose heart.

That's the view today.

Holy Thursday

It's Holy Thursday. It is a Holy day that has been observed for centuries in the Christian faith, and for many centuries before that in the Jewish faith. Holy Thursday is the day we observe the Passover.

You will remember the Passover from the book of Exodus. Families huddled together in their homes, waiting for something that they could hardly understand. Egyptians going about their lives as if nothing was out of the ordinary. And the events of that night ended the lives of the first-born of the Egyptians and convinced even the stone-hearted Pharaoh that Egypt was better off without these Israelite slaves. And they were released into freedom--or into a new relationship with God as their Sovereign.

Jesus, on the night that he was betrayed by his friend Judas, was observing the Passover with the disciples. This was a necessary observance for him and those close to him. And here was Jesus, in the upper room, surrounded by his chosen family, sharing an intimate meal and a time of intimate teaching with those who loved him best.

That Passover led to death, also, but not for the first-born of Egypt. This time it was for the first-born of God.

But that death also led to freedom. This new freedom was more complete than the freedom from Pharaoh. This new freedom was freedom from the bonds of sin and death.

It's not that those things don't exist anymore. The Egyptians certainly continued to exist even after the Israelites were freed. Sin and death still exist. In this pandemic, we are reminded of this on an hourly basis.

They exist, but they do not enslave us. One alone is sovereign, God above all, and through God we are released from that bondage to sin and death.

I don't know how you feel, but during this pandemic, I feel trapped, as if somehow I am in bondage. I don't mean to compare this to actual bondage, but I do feel hemmed in on all sides by this disease and the fear that it creates in me and in all of us.

And so we wait. We wait for deliverance, a deliverance that will surely come if the history of the people can be our guide--if the words of scripture mean something to us. Like the Israelites in Egypt, it may not have come as quickly as they hoped, but it came. Like the Israelites in bondage in Babylon, deliverance came only after many years, but it did come. And for those of us with faith in Christ, deliverance has come through Christ in God's timing.

All those things are in our past, but the past teaches us about our future. God will deliver. God is in the delivering business.

Be well, stay safe, and may your hearts be turned toward God, the proven deliverer, on this Holy Thursday.

What Shall We Do Now?

It is a time in our lives that most of us could hardly have imagined just a few months ago. Global pandemics have happened before, and if scientists who study these sorts of things are right, more will likely happen in the future.

I, of course, am writing this at my home, because I am working here instead of  where I usually do, in my office at the church. In some ways I am surprised by how difficult this time is for me. Not being able to see the people I usually connect with at least once a week and for some several times a week is distressing. A member of my congregation had major surgery yesterday, and I wasn't allowed to be there with her. Two weeks ago I officiated at a funeral for a member of the church at a graveside with nine people in attendance. When I do see the people from my church, people I love dearly, I cannot hug their necks or even shake their hands.

I have learned how to edit videos and work online conference calls. And I don't have any idea when this is going to end.

So I say to myself, what am I going to do now?

As I look around me at my congregation, and hearing from pastors and members of other congregations, I am incredibly encouraged. The church is still the church. We aren't meeting there right now, but we are still connected to one another. Our leaders are checking in on people who are homebound or at risk. Others from the congregation have been doing the same. I am proud of the way the church is staying connected, one to another, during this time.

I even think that in some ways we are closer to one another now than before.

And that is what the church is supposed to be. It was always supposed to be that way, friends caring for one another, making sure all others have what they need. If there is any in need, doing all we can to meet that need. The building where we meet as the church, beautiful as it is, is in the place where it belongs, secondary. It is the community of believers that is first. Relationship to one another and to shared faith outweighs any other concerns at this time. That is as it should be, and as it should have been.

God is able to make good things come from even the worst of circumstances. Scripture attests to this time and again. Out of this terrible circumstance, the Covid-19 outbreak, God is able to help us remember that foremost is our connection to one another, our love for each other, and our dedication to care for each other. It's not that it wasn't there before, but now that it is the primary thing we can do for each other, we are reminded that it should have been primary all along.

So, what shall we do now? Keep it up, church. Keep calling your friends and members of your community. Keep asking who needs what and then taking care of those needs as you can. Keep praying for all people throughout this crisis, and doing all you can while keeping yourself safe to let others know of the love you have for them. At its heart, this is what the church has always been. Now it is just more glaringly obvious.

I thank God for these communities doing what community does.

Blessings to you all. Be safe, and love one another.

Pastor Chris

God is Faithful

I was recently introduced to a book entitled Discover Your Spiritual Type by Corinne Ware. A ministry colleague, Rev. Drew Gray, used these spiritual types at a conference to help pastors and others see their expectations and influences in participating in worship. There are four categories, and to be brief, I found myself pretty strongly in the intellectual category. This means I like to make sense of things, talk about them, analyze them, and figure them out. That even connects to the way I tend to think about God (and I notice even as I type this that I chose the word "think" about God instead of "feel" or "believe"). I tend to write about, teach about, and talk about understanding that comes through theological thought.

Ideally, though, I imagine there ought to be greater balance between these notions of head and heart, and I've found recently that when they get out of balance, God can reach in and shake things up a bit.

After a particularly difficult week as a pastor, I found myself in prayer last night to God asking for help. My prayer was something like this: "I am doing all I can to listen to you, God, and to do what you ask. I never expected that ministry would be easy or smooth sailing all the time. But right now I could use some encouragement that I am on the right path."

I specifically asked that I would receive comfort in the morning.

Soon after I arrived in my office this morning, I got a call from a member of the congregation. She simply to come by and have prayer with me and offer me encouragement for the day. She pointed out to me other members of the congregations who have sent messages of encouragement, specifically mentioned something they learned or enjoyed from my sermon, or given other ways for me to see how much I mean to them and to the church. I had been overlooking these gifts because of other negativity.

God knows my heart, and God knew when I needed a reminder that God loves me and desires good for me. We all need to know that. We all need to be reminded that God loves us and God wants good for us and God wants to fill us up so we can be a blessing to the world around us.

If you need encouragement today, I hope you will hear it in these words. Christ came that humanity could have life and have it abundantly. If I am going to hear the negative, I need to also hear the positive about myself and my ministry, because time is short and God has called me to do something. The same goes for everyone reading these words.

I saw a meme recently that said you can never be the hero in every story. You will surely be the villain in someone's story.

That's hard for me to hear. But the point is to do my best and allow those others to find another hero. I'll keep trying to be the hero in my own story, and maybe a good supporting character in many, many others.

A somewhat meandering view today...